Friday 31 August 2012

Kung-Fu and Podiums.

Well I'm writing this on the morning of the day I leave Beijing, and I can't believe how fast the last two weeks  have gone.

I've completed my TEFL course, my Mandarin lessons and I've had some teaching practice in a primary school near our hotel. I have loved every moment of it and I'm very excited to see what Shenzhen has to offer as Beijing is going to take some beating.

This week has probably been the most interesting. There are 83 people here with the British Council and in some ways I'm sad that we're all splitting up as I've met some amazing people. This week we've all had to plan lessons from scratch and teach them to children aged between ten and eleven.

I had a Grade 5 class and they were fantastic. They all varied in ability but were so enthusiastic and seemed to really enjoy the English lessons. On the last day we were asked to prepare a lesson on festivals, so me and my partner Will taught the kids about Halloween (I had them dooking for apples), Christmas (we taught them Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer), Hogmanay (we had the whole class in a circle shaking hands to Auld Lang Syne) and Valentines Day (standard card making). Not all of the children had English names which made things a bit tricky, but my class did include a James, a Betty and a Maggie. I also had two little boys called Nick and Tim, but they insisted on me pronouncing their names as "Neek" and "Teem" - I didn't even go there. My fellow ELA's had some slightly more unusually named children including Volkswagen and my personal favourite - Big Egg.

Thursday was our last day and I got a bit teary as a lot of the kids had bought us presents and made cards and pictures. I was so overcome. Two ELA's were actually presented with a fish each, although I'm not sure how that's going to work on the sleeper train! I have also been asked to attend a teachers conference in October via QQ (which is like Skype) which I'm very proud to have been asked to be a part of.

To celebrate the end of school the British Council took us to an amazing Kung-Fu show in the centre of Beijing. It was unbelievable, I have never seen anything like it before. It was my friend Isla's 21st that day too, so everyone decided to go out in Beijing after.

Going out in Beijing, and probably China is general, is a fantastic experience if you are a girl. Girls get in free everywhere. Girls get free drinks vouchers. Girls get everything for a lot cheaper than the boys. This is obviously to combat the problem that clubs are absolute sausage-fests, and as such I now have a healthy collection of ladies cards should I ever wish to grace "La Bamba" or "Propaganda" with my presence again. I probably will not do so, as with cheap/free drinks comes the inevitable loss of dignity. Whilst dancing on podiums with Chinese boys may seem like a fantastic cultural experience at the time, the pictures the next day are not worth it. Hypothetically speaking, of course.

Last night we had our closing ceremony and each Mandarin class had to sing the song we had learned in our classes. When I say "learned"...we mumbled our way through it to the best of our ability and managed some debatable swaying during the instrumental break. This was all in front of about 6 invited officials, and I'm not entirely sure what they thought. If you're interested in listening to the song, it's called Tian Mei Mei - I will warn you though that you will not be able to get it out of your head. Ever.

So today I leave for Shenzhen which is in the south, and is a 23 hour train journey away. I am praying for air conditioning, which I now think is the best invention in the entire world. We are in the hard sleeper section which sounds ominous but I'm looking forward to the experience. I'm not sure what the internet situation will be from here on in but when I get a chance to update you all I will. Happy September!

PS. What the hell is David Templeton doing? Seriously?


Sunday 26 August 2012

It's Not Just The Wall That's Great.

I thought I'd better start one of these, not only to document my travels but so as the fans don't leave me. Being a well-known blogger, I figured I can't just abandon the people who put me where I am today. Which at this precise moment in time happens to be a hotel room in Shunyi, Beijing. Thus I present to you the first installment of the soon to be award winning 'Made In China' (I know, inspired).

So, what have I been up to? WELL! I've been here just over a week now, I've completed my TEFL course and tomorrow some poor kids have got to pay attention to me as I attempt to teach them how to say hello and goodbye in English. For an hour. Without knowing a smidgen of Chinese. The only phrases I have learnt are not going to help me in a classroom scenario, not unless one of the children fancy getting me a beer. And whilst that might help me I don't see them cooperating.

The first weekend I was here, I took a very delirious, jet-lagged and sweaty couple of hundred Metro changes to Tiananmen Square and The Forbidden City. It was absolutely beautiful and if I wasn't in such a state of confusion I'd probably have enjoyed it a lot more. Saying that, I have never been stared at so much in my life. People were asking if their kids could have their photos taken with us -in fact grown men were asking if they could have their photos taken with us! It has been something I've had to get used to. I was actually sitting in The Forbidden City and a woman started taking my picture...like I was a white person in a zoo. It happened the other day at lunch too. And a few nights ago at dinner. I could lie and say I'm pretty big time in China but it happens to everyone, hpwever it's very unusual to feel like such a freak show.

Yesterday I climbed The Great Wall, and in doing so became a human water feature. I can honestly say I have never produced so much sweat in my life, it was a tough climb! However, it was an amazing feeling making it to the top of the cable car which I took down and I loved every minute of it. I look forward to showing you all my 'I climbed up the Great Wall of China' t-shirt too which I got (after some aggressive haggling) for £2.50. At the foot of the entrance, there are rows and rows of market stalls with every piece of tourist tat you could hope for. My panda chopsticks and fake Raybans were probably my favourite purchase, which collectively I paid £6.50 for. Life is good.

Last night I went to see an acrobatic show which was, in the words of my good friend Joe Dingwall, UN-BE-LIEV-ABLE. You haven't seen anything until you've witnessed 5 guys on motorcycles riding around a metal, sphere-shaped cage. It was mental but absolutely amazing.

Today I was in a town in Beijing doing a bit of shopping. A street seller attempted to sell me a wee turtle for 10Yuan (£1) and despite wanting to liberate all 20 of the poor little things out of the washing up basin they were imprisoned in, I resisted. In other news, I've eaten a chicken's foot (don't do it) and have, on more than one occasion used a "squattie potty". I'm sure you can work out what that is for yourself. Can't wait to try that whilst steaming!

On the subject of "steaming" I've never drank (or eaten) so cheaply in my life - and I grew up with Fubar Thursdays! 50p for a large beer, and a meal for £3 is the norm here. Spitting in the street and doing aerobics outside convenience stores is also the norm here but I've yet to try the latter two!

Anyway I've got a lesson to plan for tomorrow so I'd better wrap this up. Just thought I'd let you all know I'm alive and well. Zàijiàn!